Dance-Off

I haven't been able to post lately because I've been too busy judging Ainsley's dance moves, playing freeze tag, taking pictures of "me, mom" or gluing something back together that Max has broken.

Ainsley has really perfected her dance moves & definitely rivals Max in this department:

The above is some kind of break dancing move - Brad could probably describe it better because I'm pretty sure that is who taught her how to do it.

Not sure what move this is, neither does Max, but it definitely involves being graceful while holding lip gloss.

What sweet kids! You would never know they get up before 5 am some days!

Merry Christmas!

"Did God Spit Us Out?"

Ainsley is officially 3 1/2 & keeps us laughing with some pretty ridiculous stuff:

Me: "Ainsley, did you rip this book?"

Ainsley: "No, Mommy. I think God did it. I think God made it that way, Mom."

*****

Our neighbor: "Where's your mom, Ainsley?"

Ainsley: "Oh, she's at home with the cleaners because she really can't keep our house clean."

*****

Me to Ainsley's friend Wyatt: "So, Wyatt, what is your favorite thing about Preschool?"

Ainsley interrupting: "---Is it playing with me, Wyatt?"

Wyatt, with a little stammer: "Yes, it is."

Ainsley: "My favorite thing about preschool is playing with you too."

*****

Ainsley: "Mommy, who made us?"

Me: "Ummmm, who do you think made us?"

A: "God."

Me: "Yep, God made us."

A: "Well, how did God make us? Did God just spit us out?"

Me: "Do you think he spit us out?"

A: "Yeah."

Me: "He probably did then."

*****

One of my friends: "Ainsley, what princess do you want to be?"

Ainsley: "I don't want to be a princess, I want to be a doctor."

*****

"Mommy, I lost my balloon & it went up to heaven."

*****

"Mommy, Max is ready for a nap, he's getting wild."

*****

"Mommy, can you get a job today so I can stay for A-Team?" (after-school care)

*****

Ainsley's new-found love for my cooking:

- As I pour pasta into boiling water: "Mommy, I love you. You are a great chef."

- As she eats microwaved Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets: "Mommy, this is a great meal, thank you so much for making it! It is delicious!"

*****

Ainsley's new-found love for her brother:

-"Mommy, I love you & I don't want to throw Max in a trash can." That's reassuring.

-"Max, I love you. I want to keep you FOREVER! I want you to stay with me FOREVER!"

I Just Wanna Dance!

Max has a new hobby.

He is a master of dance - his favorite move is "raising the roof" and he only moves from the waist up.

He likes to "raise it" during commercials or during "The Backyardigans."

Don't be surprised if he shows up on "Dancing With the Stars" some day - you can say you knew him when...

Happy Halloween!

Do you still have a sugar high? We do!

This pumpkin pair was ready for a neighborhood parade & pizza party before the competitive candy-eating began!

Max trying to rip off the hat before we made it out the door.

Max did not really enjoy the wind, cold, riding-in-the-wagon aspect of the holiday-he just wanted candy.

Lots of giggles!

Max became a frozen pumpkin so we had to break the coat out.

Trick-or-treating last week at Brad's firm. Max screamed until he got chocolate so he had 3 or 5 candy bars - at some point we stopped counting.

Pumpkin carving!

The family activity that sounds so fun, but really is a big pain in the ---. (This comes from the spouse that did absolutely nothing & just watched.)

Max was disgusted with the whole pumpkin-carving experience. It was pretty funny.

Ainsley & her pumpkin (& one of her fabulous "look what I picked out" outfits).

The end result was great - 3 jack-o-lanterns & then we roasted the pumpkin seeds-how domestic is THAT??

"I'm NOT Wearing a Dress!" & Other Fashion Tips From a 3-Year-Old

Since August, Ainsley has refused to wear dresses & anything else I suggest.

Instead, she's been coming up with a few fashion tips of her own:

Getting ready for soccer practice.

Fashion Tip #1: Umbro soccer shorts go with everything, pink & red go with everything, stripes & polka dots go with everything. . .including each other.

Ainsley's "Papa Don't Preach"/Early Madonna Look

Fashion Tip #2: "Skirts are sometimes okay if you have to get all fancied up."

Going for Sunday donuts with Daddy (closet thing we have to organized religion)

Fashion Tip #3: It is definitely acceptable to have matching shoes with your dad as long as they are pink & you call them "Adidas Chuck Taylors," even though they are really "Converse."

This is what Ainsley would like to wear every day, regardless of the weather. She's also wearing the look I usually get when the camera comes out.

Fashion Tip #4: "The white matches, Mom. This outfit matches because there is white so I can wear it right?"

Fashion Tip #5: Socks with sandals are acceptable. "Socks don't care about matching, but shoes do, right mom?"

Hit the Republicans, Ainsley!

You know you live in Kansas when the first attraction at the pumpkin patch invites you to shoot small pumpkins out of an air gun toward a battered Democratic donkey sign.

To keep things fair & balanced there was a GOP elephant, but I think we would have been asked to leave if we hit it. Luckily, our bipartisan 3-year-old opted to aim for the Frankenstein.

There was a LOT to do at this pumpkin patch. . .

Digging in sand. . .

. . . we finally made it out to the actual pumpkin patch where everyone was tired, hot & pretty much over the whole pumpkin patch experience. Fun times.

Daddy & Ainsley searched high & low for 4 of the perfect pumpkins. . .

. . .while Max just tried his hardest to not touch the dirt while he stood up.

He was not getting his hands dirty that day AT ALL!

Max was also a reluctant pumpkin patch participant & instead rode in the wagon or stroller the whole time demanding food. I really can't blame him, I would have done the same thing.

Don't Give Your Son a Dog's Name

Remind me not to make small talk with checkers plagued with teen angst at the grocery store:

"Oh, my son's name is Max, too," friendly mom says while motioning to happy baby in cart.

"Do you know that Max has been one of the Top 10 Dog Names for the last ten years?" over-pierced teen wearing "Max" name tag replies.

"Nope, didn't know that."

Guess we're not going to talk about how much you looooove

your name & how happy my kid should be that I gave him the same one, huh?

I should should have guessed that my Max's name had some direct correlation to dogs.

Not only does he get excited almost to the point of hyperventilating whenever he sees a dog, he also has adopted some of their qualities. Brad & I are really proud.

Max likes to pour milk on the floor so he can lick it up, pick up balls

with his mouth, chew on shoes & eat off the floor.

Our new next door neighbors own a dog named Max & my kids will attend an elementary school with a mascot named "Max the Bulldog." Awesome.

[Side note: When I attended the same elementary school, we were the Mission Trail Trojans-not the Bulldogs. Guess someone finally got smart & realized that a bunch of 5th graders were running around snickering about the word Trojan. Genius.]

I cannot tell a lie-I did know Max was good dog's name because once upon a time I had a dog by the same name who was a very good friend of mine in the early 80's.

But then we moved to Arizona & my parents told us it was "too hot for a Golden Retriever there" & gave Max away to a "very nice family." [FYI to parents-not a good excuse, there are lots of retrievers in AZ.]

So, as much as the angry emo grocery kid would like to believe, Max isn't named after the many canine Maxs out there, but rather, the many Maxwell Yeretskys before him ($10 to whomever defines "emo" to my mom-Annie, this is probably falling under your job description right now).

As for the dog behavior, no, we are not getting a dog (Grandma has one & Max can pretend it's his) & I suppose when I see my son licking the floor, I'll just consider it extra clean. Gross.

Partners in Crime

Max is 15 months old & dedicated to causing trouble.

For the most part, Ainsley is still a stickler for the rules & plays the first-born role quite well, but they are often off making mischief together.

Who would have thought Max would influence his big sister so much?

This may be the first time they both smiled at the SAME time for the camera - if only Ainsley's hair had been tamed!

Ainsley about to push her brother across the room at high speeds, hoping he doesn't crash into a cabinet, thus drawing attention to the trouble they are about to get into.

"I can feed Max!"

"I can babysit Max!"

"I can shove that spoon into his mouth & test his gag reflex!"

Max's new trick is climbing on top of every table, saying "mama" to get my attention, then giving himself a round of applause. It never occurred to his sister that she, too, could climb on top of tables. Luckily, he is such a great teacher...

...now they both climb on top of tables.

This is Ainsley's "I'm just holding him!" move which is synonymous with strangling. She just doesn't understand why he doesn't like it.

Watch out for our bike gang.

You never know what kind of trouble they could be up to!

This is pretty much why you will never receive a

Christmas card photo with the 4 of us smiling.

My children have conspired to never let it happen.

They have also conspired to pretty much detest the pool; just proving the point that just because your mom was a swimmer & swim coach & taught swimming lessons & said "my child will never wear water wings" (Ainsley's are pink), that does not mean that her children will love the pool.

Maybe next summer? Maybe if there was one in our backyard? Brad? Please?

Tickle attack on Granny. She should have seen it coming.

These two don't sit still for long - she knows that!

Security Breach

Attention Baby Gate Manufacturer:

Maybe the next time you make a baby gate suggested to be used at the bottom of a staircase, you should consider having a group of 1-year-old boys test it.

It only took Max 5 days to discover how easy velcro comes apart.

His favorite hobby is seeing how quietly he can dismantle the gate & get upstairs.

He is fast like a ninja & Ainsley just runs around the house yelling, "Moooomy, Max is upstairs again!"

Luckily, I borrowed this gate, so I'm not too annoyed, but really, velcro?

The Firefighters Will Spray Me, Mom!

Honestly, I thought Leawood's bravest would be summoned to our house a lot sooner - somehow, we managed to wait until July.

Our carbon monoxide alarm went off & apparently the gas company sends the fire department.

At the very least, I thought this would be exciting for my kids.

"Look, Ainsley! The fire fighters are in front of our house. Look at the big fire engine!"

"Nooooooo, MOOOOOMMMMYY!" she screamed, clinging to me. "I don't want them to spray me!!!!!!!!"

"They are not here to spray you! Calm down, it's ok! You don't have to look at the fire truck. It's ok!"

What kid is afraid of a fire truck? Apparently

mine. Mine is very afraid.

"Ma'am, how can we get into the house?" Mr. Firefighter in charge asks.

"You can go through the garage."

"Ma'am, we just tried that. That door is locked, ma'am."

Seriously? One week after I lock Max in the car, another door locks on me? I am not "blaming" anyone, but I think a certain 3-year-old locked us out.

Why must door-locking drama follow me everywhere I go? Good lord!

So the firefighters spend 15 minutes breaking my door open, only to tell me that I need a new battery for my carbon monoxide detector. Awesome - just a new battery. (And yes, I am glad my house didn't blow up.)

"Ma'am, opening locked doors is good practice for us. Just your taxes at work. Do you have a new 9 volt battery, Ma'am?" Mr. Firefighter asks with a smile.

Ok, 1.) Enough with the "ma'am" stuff. I'm possibly 2 years older than you & just because I made my 19-year-old babysitter stay to watch this whole debacle go down does not mean you have to "ma'am" me; and,

2.) You really think I have a new 9 volt battery hanging around? I have enough diapers, food, clothes, AA & AAA batteries to make my house run but no, I cannot produce a 9 volt battery out of thin air right now, sir. I moved in 3 months ago which, for a normal person, is a long time ago, but for me, is like last week.

So Mr. Firefighter produced a new battery from his stash, set aside for crazy Leawood moms who will probably forget to replace the 9 volt.

I'm only slightly humiliated after this experience because I know we will be repeat customers with the fire department.

I almost burned our house down last week when one of Ainsley's silly bands (google it, mom) got stuck to a burner. Fun times.