"Max has a WHAT?"

(This could also be titled, "Did I really just tell Ainsley's teacher this story?")

Last month Ainsley asked me why Max was being so fussy.

"I think he's sick."

"Max has an e-ek-shun?" she replied.

"A what?" I say in my calmest, "what-the-hell-did-you-just-say?" voice.

"An EEEE-EKKK-SHUN."

"Max has a WHAT?" I semi-shout to her, kneeling down at her eye-level, as Law & Order SVU episodes fly through my head.

"AN EEEE-EK-EK-SHUN, MOMMY!!!!!!"

What feels like an hour goes by & then it finally dawns on me:

"Oh, an EAR infection? Does Max have an ear infection?"

"Yes!" she shouts.

So, I stop sweating & am totally relieved that I don't have to call my pediatrician, find a shrink, Google all the sexual predators in my zip code, etc. I should have left it at that. But no, I feel the need to tell her teacher.

We get to school that morning & I proceed to tell this story to Ainsley's teacher, a woman who translates toddler language every day & has probably heard much, much worse.

"So," I tell her teacher, who no doubt thinks I'm certifiably INSANE, "if it sounds like she's saying 'erection' she is really saying 'ear infection,' blah, blah, blah."

(As if Ainsley is going to be shouting "erection" to all the other toddlers during circle time.)

Her teacher laughs & tells me not to worry about it & is really sweet.

I get in my car to drive home & think WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME??? Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

Oh, well. There has to be at least one nutty parent in each class & I'm sure I could provide some humor in the teacher's lunchroom.

Good, lord. I think I'm that parent.